Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
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I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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