I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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