So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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