i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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