just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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