I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
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EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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