don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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