Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
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Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
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There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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