Small penises have feelings too.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
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She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
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Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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