i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
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He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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