So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
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It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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