Im at strip club and am horny
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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