My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Damn victory sex feels great
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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