Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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