Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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