I'm so fucking centered right now
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
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I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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