I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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