fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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