Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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