I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
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I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
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Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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