I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize