Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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