Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
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i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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