Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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