i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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