Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
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Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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