I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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