so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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