I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize