I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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