matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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