Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
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She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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