i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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