Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize