This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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