Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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