I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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