you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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