Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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