i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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