That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
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Found the puke drawer
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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