my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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