he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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