Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
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You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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