in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize