one word: firstdatebathroomanal
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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