I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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