he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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