So drunk its hurt
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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