I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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