Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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