The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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